Mar 11
Terms and Conditions NEW!
You have rights. Some may call them inalienable rights. The UN knows which rights they are. There’s good stuff in there. You should learn them sooner rather than later. The most salient of these for our purposes are:
- No one shall be held in slavery or servitude. You can work here at your own pace, on your own time, and without supervision from slave-drivers (read ‘managers’).
- No one shall be subjected to torture or degrading treatment meaning we will never ask you to clean the coffee machine or follow a ‘clean desk’ policy.
- Everyone has the right to freedom of thought, conscience, and religion. If you want to convert to Novus Societatis, information can be found on the Losing My Religion page.
- You have the right to have an opinion. And yes, opinions are like assholes and everybody’s got one, so don’t pretend that yours is more bleached than anyone else’s.
- You have the right to associate with the people you want to associate with even if they’re weird like us.
- You have the right to take part in the governance of this site directly or through freely chosen representatives. The will of the people is the basis for the legitimacy of the government.
- Dignity is a word the Universal Declaration of Human Rights refers to repeatedly. In our experience, it’s not easy to feel dignified in this day and age. This site does not accept undignified behavior. If you embarrass yourself by trolling, you will have to go sit in the corner and think about what you’ve done.
- Article 23 of the UN Declaration of Human Rights reads like this: “Everyone has the right to work, to free choice of employment, to just and favorable conditions of work, and to protection against unemployment.” This has never happened in reality prior to now, so this is what we are trying to achieve.
YOUR OBLIGATIONS
You have an obligation to serve others and deploy your skills, gifts, talents, chakras or clairvoyance to enhance the lives of people outside of just your clan, your family, and your friends. You are not in this alone. Don’t try to be. Lastly, no one else really cares if you make something of your time on this planet, so you should probably care about that.
WHAT YOU CAN EXPECT FROM US
Nothing. We’re going to do something here. We are each doing it for ourselves as our gift to others.
If you don’t like what we give you, you have a number of options:
- Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth because a horse is a rad gift, and you don’t even know what good horse gums look like.
- Re-gift it to someone else.
- Say ‘thank you’ and chuck it in the bin when we’re not looking like you do with the rest of your daughter’s ‘masterpieces’.
LEGAL STUFF
This site is delivered ‘as is’. No one knows why ‘as is’ has to be written in quotes it just does. Perhaps it is a phrase that is holy because everything in the world, and indeed all humans, are ‘as is’. This site is no different.
This site is alive. It lives, breathes, adapts, exploits and nourishes its users. Don’t try to kill it. This site is merciful, but if you attempt to scar and maim the site, it will seek its revenge. You have been warned.
This site exists on the internet. The internet is a para-global network. Therefore, this site is not beholden to the local laws of any jurisdiction. We abide by superior laws, which may be deemed Laws of the Galaxy. Scientists and philosophers are still discovering what those laws are. Besides, there’s no point in writing them down, because like everything in the galaxy, they are constantly changing. In the interim, you agree not to sue us, and you agree to defend the site from any adverse action.
PRIVACY POLICY
We will attempt to learn everything we can about you in an effort to make you feel known and understood. (Some people call this love). If you let us, we will watch you pick your nose and have sex. People fear losing their privacy because they fear losing access to their bank accounts. You are not defined by the numbers in your bank account. We don’t accept bank accounts here.
COOKIE POLICY
We like cookies. If we really like you, we may send you cookies from time to time. You are not allowed to say no to cookies unless you’re allergic to nuts.
We are not a big-time information needer, like Google. We just want to send you cookies. If you are concerned about receiving cookies from strangers, you should talk to Doctor Ruth about your trust issues.
LUMENS
When you use this site, we will compensate you with Lumens. Everyone will know how many lumens you have in your account. No one will be able to steal your stash even if you’re stupid enough to boast about it. We believe that to be true but we cannot guarantee it because your mom was right when she told you that nothing in life is guaranteed.
AGE RESTRICTIONS
We believe in child labour. We will allow kids to work and get paid. If that means they subsequently demand emancipation from you, their guardian, that is not our problem. Some content is not suitable for children. Some content is not suitable for adults. Check your community’s rating for guidance.
YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH US
From the moment you engage with ‘the service’, you are in a relationship with us. Do not be a dick. Call us back when we call you. Give us gifts from time to time. It makes us feel special. We will endeavor to do the same. Forgive us our sins. We won’t forget yours. We accept that you might like to collaborate with other providers from time to time, so you can consider this an open relationship, but in the end, we know you’ll come crawling back to us.
THIRD PARTIES
We like to affiliate with a lot of third parties. If you’re not into that, you should not use ‘the service’. We are not responsible for what a third party does to you even if we’re the ones who invited the third party to the party.
WHAT WE EXPECT FROM YOU
Everything.
YOUR CONTENT
When you publish here, you will automatically receive attribution. We do not hoard IP. IP is to be shared. You will be paid according to your Sphere of Influence as determined by the Data and Crypto Serfs. Do not claim work that is not yours, or The Serfs will revolt.
BOTS
We deploy bots to interact with your content. Some real people will interact with your content too. You won’t know which is which.
OPEN ACCESS
This site is open to anyone, anywhere. On this site, there are no rules, only communities. Certain communities may do things that are offensive to you including publishing content that you find gross, demeaning, or offensive. If you don’t like something, do not participate in that community. We are not a police state. Communities police themselves. If you want to F%&* the police, that’s up to you.
FINAL CLAUSE
Our person-who-usually-gets-paid-to-draft-this-kind-of-thing says these terms are ‘unconventional’ and ‘unlikely to protect the organisation in the case of an adverse event’. If you use our service, you are not allowed to sue us in any court in the universe known or unknown. However, we do try to be fair, so you can bring any grievances to Whinge Central where the People-Who-Are-Fair Council will attempt to resolve any disputes.
